Bittersweet

It has been a long time, so I long I can't remember, since I went to Fairchild Tropical Gardens. It's bigger than I remember. We couldn't get through it all! It was really nice to go there on my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and take Grandma. A lot of times, we trade 'watching her' with my aunt for special events, and there are lots of things my aunt does that Grandma just can't do anymore - especially 5Ks, hehe. Anyway, for better or worse, she changes the tone of things. Experiences, outings, meals and even tv shows are dramatically different when she's around. And a lot of times, it isn't for the better. But Fairchild was. And I was glad we didn't trade her on my birthday.

She looked happy and engaged. More and more she seems bored and distant, but she was talkative, even chirpy like a bird. If only I could've taken a picture of her face when she saw these iguana/kimodo dragon/giant lizard thingies. There was a whole family of them, and we stopped to look, along with a family with young children. Grandma was more excited than the young children.


I wish I could write a funny story right now. But sometimes, when you care for someone with dementia, a funny story just doesn't come to mind. Don't get me wrong- I smile when I think of her. She makes me laugh often. But she also makes us frustrated and angry. Because she will never be the person she was. And because one day she won't even know our names. A lot of people are putting their parents/grandparents in nursing homes now. I dread the day that happens with Grandma. There are just some things that don't change with her- she loves sweets, she prays 'that others may see Jesus in us' everytime we ask her to say grace, and she can't get over gas prices. She says she remembers when it was 15 cents a gallon.

If you have an aging parent or grandparent then you know how bittersweet it is to care for them, especially if they have more mental than physical deterioration. But for all the hard moments, I treasure the tender moments that I still have with her. She will not always be here. The last couple months have not been hilarious, but I have learned to treasure her. And see aging through different eyes. I no longer dread the possibility that I could age like she has. Her life is good. She has a family and a God that loves her, and I'm not sure what's better than that.
It was nice to watch dad and her around the gardens. I love how he almost loses her at the end of this video...